I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
