I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
