So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
