he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
