Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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