Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
