he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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