apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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