i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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