Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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