She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
