All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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