wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
