You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I skipped work to stalk him.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
