Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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