New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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