He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
