peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she woke up with a sticky ear
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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