U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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