Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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