i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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