Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
