she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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