Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
