i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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