Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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