I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
