wakey wakey hands off snakey
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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