omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
