So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
