the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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