we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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