The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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