Plan B is the new Plan A
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
