Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
