I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
