vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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