I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
