Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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