ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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