The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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