God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We are two peas in an std pod
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
