hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The feeling are messing with the penis
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
