just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
