Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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