I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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