I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
