apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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