Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
