we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Randomize
