You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
