the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
