I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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