either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
