Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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